Deep thoughts with Sharmeela...

When we tell people we're traveling the world, most people say something like "Wow, how lucky!  I wish I could do something like that!"  Guess what?  Most people can.  The difference is that we made a CONSCIOUS decision to drop everything and go.  It's never easy.  People think we don't have kids, so we don't have any reason to stay.  Hey, I've even said that to myself multiple times.  However, it's not so cut and dry.  Just because we don't have children doesn't mean we don't have a family.  Just because we don't have children doesn't mean we don't have responsibilities, jobs and a whole life to consider.  Hell, I read lots of travel blogs and believe it or not, most of them have kids they just strap to their chests and truck them along (very functionally, I might add).

I've built my dream house in my head (furnished by Home Goods), thought about farting out some tots and established good relationships with people I've worked with for years.  Over time, Aaron and I have worked hard, made good investments and done the best we can to set a foundation for our future.  In one fell swoop we've shaken the Etch-A-Sketch and wiped it all away.  I won't get my dream house, we aren't having kids anytime soon (OMG I'm 30!!) and I won't have any semblance of a job when I get home.  People fantasize about leaving it all behind and traveling the world, but this is why most people don't.  I can't say I blame them.  In fact, sometimes I even envy them, making the choice easy without bothering to ask, "Why not?"

I have an internal struggle everyday.  I look into Capone's and Kane's eyes and say to myself "Can I leave them?"  I'm spending time with my family and I say to myself "Can I go a year without them?"  Days fall like snowflakes, no two are the same.  Each day I change my mind, then I change it back again.  I second guess everything, all the time.  BUT in the end, when my mind is finally quiet, I can hear a tiny voice telling me not to be afraid.  For some reason, that's the voice I choose to hear above the rest.  I don't know if that makes me a genius or an idiot, insightful or insane, but something tells me to keep breathing in and out and somehow it'll all be okay.  Don't get me wrong, I'm excited and ready, but I also have feelings of guilt, sadness and (of course) fear.  

Not only is it hard to make a determined decision to travel for a year, but it's also something that requires a lot of planning and research.  Once the rose-colored glasses (or beer-goggles) come off, the romantic idea is quickly put to the test because it's not something you can do on a whim.  You can't decide to go and then leave the next day.  Which is probably a good thing because this weeds out the faint of heart.  We've been planning this trip since July and believe it or not, it's happening all too quickly.

Our lives as we know them are coming to a close, After this trip, we will be forever changed by experience, but hopefully deep down we'll still be the same goofs.  We will start over, work hard and eventually re-set the ground-work for that dream house.  I'll be able to shop at Home Goods again.  Maybe we'll even fart out some kids.  Now that would be an adventure.