Fear is something that has been an omnipresence in my life. My natural, subconscious default has always been fear, not because of any particular happening in my life; I think it was something implanted in me in utero. Don't get me wrong, fear has it's advantages. It's been almost like a fair-weather friend, showing up and rescuing me at it's own convenience; keeping me safely cocooned in this little bubble, making me too terrified to break free, like I need the fear to survive, giving me a really warped sense of Stockholm Syndrome. It gives the illusion of a symbiotic relationship, when in reality no matter how "useful" it's been, for the most part I feel cheated by fear, not overcoming most challenges due in large part to being afraid...afraid of failure, afraid of success, afraid of just coasting by; it's like I can't win. I think at 30 years old, I've finally decided to just grab fear by the balls and let it all go.
I'm aware of how this proclamation to run off and travel the world must sound to people. I'll be the first to admit that it all sounds quite irrational, like we're just running away from the "harsh realities of life" or something equally cliche, but in fact I believe we're running towards something. It may be gray and murky and far off in the distance, but somehow I know it's an answer to something I've been searching for. It's the answer to the question "Can I break this cycle of fear?"
Well, I'm done with fear (okay let's be honest, if I even saw a spider right now, I'd still yell for Aaron to come destroy it immediately, but that's normal right?), at least I'm done with the paralyzing fear that keeps me from moving forward or back, just trapped like a mosquito in the amber, waiting to be rediscovered (Jurassic Park shout-out!). That's not me anymore, I'll be the one doing the discovering, thank you very much.
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